I'm about to turn 29 in a few days. I am about to celebrate the last year of my twenties. This decade has been a whirlwind of ups and downs, twists and turns, and my head is constantly spinning. I'm not ready to be an adult yet. I wish, some days, that I could turn around and I'd be 16 again. Not for many things, but just to make the right decisions the next time around.
When I was in 7th grade, I had made a few new friends, we all started at the same school that year. Later on into the year, we'd all grown quite close, but I still give thanks to the one person who introduced me to the Church and to a Youth Group where I found Jesus, waiting for me and ready, with open arms. I had so much fun, learning, making friends, going on retreats and missions trips, and realizing around 15 or 16 years old what I wanted to do with my life. Of course that has since changed, and mainly because of the choices I made. I don't necessarily regret the choices I made, but I do wish I could have a do-over. I wish, like every other adult, that I'd listened to my mom more, and my needing heart a little less.
We all go through seasons of life, for me, my seasons were this:
-Start Junior High
-Meet and make new friends
-Join a church family
-Start High School
-Meet a boy
-Stop interacting with my church family, even with school friends
-Focus all my time on boy
-College
-Meet and make new friends
-Want to go to Church
-Marry boy
-Start a career
-Meet and make new friends
-Want to go to Church
-Decide to do something else, somewhere else with my life
-Go through battle after battle with people, knowing in my heart that every decision I was about to make was right for me
-Move away from my entire life roughly 2,000 miles to start a new(ish) job
-Meet and make new friends
-Divorce boy
-Start going to a new church
-Start trying to figure out who Morgan is at 27 years old
-Meet new boy
-Still working on who Morgan is at 28 years old
-Start at a new church due to a move
-Get involved with Church, make new church family
-Continue finding the real Morgan at (almost 29 years old)
And that brings us to now. Knocking on the door of 29 years old. Oh my goodness. Where have the past years of my life go? What do I have to show for myself? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? What do I want? What do I need? Where will I find the answers to these questions?
When I met my ex-husband while we were both in High School, I stopped going to church, stopped interacting with the youth group, this will also include other friends outside of church. I did all of this, like many other people who are smitten with someone, and I knew at that time, I was making a bad decision. I knew because I always had a longing for something more. Something to make me whole. Something to fulfill my desires to be part of something.
This post isn't going to be about bashing or name calling, or really any of the feelings I have and are being brought up right now while I type and think about the last 10 years of my life. This is about me. I am the one who made these choices. So if any one out there is reading this post, and you are young or if you are old, and you know who it is that you want to be, but have someone tugging you in a different direction; press the pause button, hold on just a minute and take a good long look at what your priorities in life are. You should never be asked to change for someone else. Someone who loves you, does so because of your dreams, and aspirations. For who you are now, not who they think you should be.
When we're kids, we want to be all the cool things when we grow up, I wanted to be a bagger at the grocery store, then it was a dentist, then it was something else, and something else, and it goes into a vicious circle, and still to this day, I don't know what I want to with my life.
But I know it has something to do with people. Being with people, helping people, interacting and teaching... I don't really think it's all that important to figure it out right now, but what I do know is this. I have taken the initiative to reach out to people at church. I've asked for help finding a Sunday School class at church. I've been twice, think it's great. I asked for a women's small group, been to one evening meeting, had a great time, went to a brunch they put on this past weekend, made some new friends. I feel whole. Or at least more whole than I have in a long time. These people are my age, they are people who are glad I'm reaching out. These are people that will help lift me up and encourage me when I'm feeling down.
Church is a place that I belong. God has always shown me the way, whether I've listened to His advice when He instructs the first time or not. Whether I'm feeling like my whole entire world is crumbling around me, He is there. He lifts me up and reminds me that I am not fighting this battle of life on my own. I have support within Him.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. Exodus 14:14
I think the main point I have to make tonight is, if you believe in something, if you want something, if you need something, no matter what it is in your life, if it is a goal that you want to reach, you need to go for it. You can not rely on other people to make your life work for you. It doesn't work that way. If you are going through a season of change, of love, of loss, of trials, or of peace, you need to reach out and praise God for everything that you are given. We complain, because it's so easy for us to say we need something materialistic, or we want things that others have, so badly. Remember this friend, you think you have a life of nothing, that you're missing out, or that you aren't what you should be...you have so many blessings to be thankful for.
I ask you, tonight, to look around in your life. Take note of the values in your life. Look at your family, at your friends, at your babies, at your home where things are comfortable and happy, and be thankful. Give thanks to the Lord who makes all things happen.
We all go through seasons in our lives. Whether it's every 5 years, or 10 years, or 2 years...you become a different person so very often in your life. But don't ever let go of what your heart says you are meant to be. Be something, and be great at it.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
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